Exposure

They say that at the lowest point on Earth, the Dead Sea, the sun can be enjoyed without any of its harmful effects- the distance being too great for the harmful rays to travel. So you get the warmth, the joy and the caresses without having to lather up, cover up or take care.

I don't know if this is actually true, but it made me think as I looked out at the barren desert landscape, beauifully harsh and devoid of tree or grass and the ever evaporating sea. I wonder if in order not to be hurt we have to be distanced, empty and barren. If being protected also means being removed, somber and desolate.

The sea is gorgeous. All greens and blues- it looks deep and full and refreshing. But get closer, touch it. It is oily, hot and sharp.

It exploits the slightest weakness.

To be fair, the waters are also healing and theraputic- but even then almost exlusively at the surface level. They smooth skin and soothe joint pain.

But, internalize the bitter waters and they cause a great deal of lingering pain.

Too much exposure leads to burning.

Does this mean anything? I dont know- I wonder if in Moshiach's time the landscape around the sea will bloom and green and if likewise we'll be able to leave ourselves exposed to love without the fear of getting burned.

I love Chanukka/Living your truth

Its not the sufganiyot (donuts), or the latkes , nor is it the presents (thank God that is not prevelant here).

Its the holiday that is embued with the power of fighting for what you believe in. How many people get to do that? How many people get to make their life about something that means everything to them? Be it family, justice, peace, truth, freedom, civil rights- something that defines who you are?

Chanukka is full of heros. Everyday people who fought for truth and justice and right and freedom.

Beginning with the bride who stood before her assembeled guests and tore the front of her dress open. She raged against her horrified brothers. 'Why should this bother you when in a few hours you will be giving me over to the Greek general?'
The Greeks practiced Prima Nachta- every bride was raped on her wedding night by the Greek overloard. Her rage at the general passivity instigated the rebellion that we all know as Chanukka.

Her father would later raise a flag and call out- "mi laHashem Ali' . All those who are for our one true God- join me.

Her brothers then lead the battle that beat the greeks, but before all that- there were many more heros.

All the mothers who gave their sons a brit and then jumped from the walls of Jerusalem committing suicide rather than letting the greeks kill them. All those who kept Shabbat, lighting candles and making kiddush. All those who learned Torah despite the death sentence.

Channah & her seven sons who each refused to bow to an idol and were killed for their refusal. They encouraged one another, gave each other the strength to hold strong and defy those forces looking to break them.

I know many will not agree with me. But I care more for the opinions of those throughout the centuries who refused to compromise who they were for what others wanted them to be.

In Spain, christians thought of the most vile tortures to force Jews to renounce their faith. All a Jew had to do was to claim to believe in their teachings and he/she would be spared the suffering of severed limbs, ripped out guts, flayed skin and eventual death.

But then, what would they be? Empty, constantly in hiding, in fear and terror and in tremendous agony as body and soul wrestled with the choice they made to go against what they are.

Thousands died rather than betray themselves, their people and their God- their Truth. Its an incredible testiment to the strength of our people.

Hitler learned from it- He didn't bother trying to change the Jew. He knew only death would remove their truth and all that it brought to the world.

Yehudit, a young widow, convinced the men of her beleagered and starving town to let her out into the surrounding enemy camp. After claiming to want to give the Greek general Holifornus information to capture the town in exchange for mercy, she was allowed free reign in the army's camp. After a few days of gaining trust, she dined with the general feeding him cheese and wine- taking her lead from Yael who had done the same to the general Sisera hundreds of years before.

When he had passed out, she brought his own sword down upon his neck. Returning to her city with hishead, she rallied the Jews and they won in a surprise attack against the leaderless army.

She put her life at risk to save her people. How many of us will ever get the opportunity to do something like that?

Those that serve in the Israeli army do this every day. Mothers and fathers send their children off to defend this country- knowing full well the risk. Gilad Shalit still sits in the hands of barbarians. Jonathan Pollard sits in isloation 27 years! after giving Israel information that Should have been shared with them by the US according to agreements. An offense usually given 2 to 3 years- He was given a life sentence!!

I think that this is the bottom line, that is what I love best about living here. Just being here means I am doing something I believe in. I am living what I know to be true and what I know is right. At the core, that is why we could not stay in the US even though our family and friends, who are so very wonderful and whom we miss painfully, are there.

Living what you know to be true and right cannot be substituted by anything. Nothing can take its place, nothing can fill its void. It is what keeps us going and feeling like we have the right to go on. My kids know it, even at the age they are. Kids see truth when they aren't blinded by GameBoys and PSPs and all the shiny things that lead most around like zombies.

I do not tell them these things- really I don't. And of course, they love stuff as do we all and that's fine and normal. However, they have perspective.

No thing feels as good, as fulfilling, as right as living your truth.

Course, I didn't say its easy, its not meant to be. But it is worth it and much easier than trying to justify to yourself and your kids saying one thing and living another.

I know I kind of got off Chanukka, but not really, because it is all about what you believe and what you fight for.

Because the Goat Has The Bell

Over Sukkos, we ate at the home of some very close friends and from their porch enjoyed a majestic view of the opposing hills. Over said hills a Beduin sherpard walked far ahead of his flocks of sheep who grazed serenly, enjoying the weather and walking slowly but steadily onward.
I asked "How do the sheep know where to go?"

A flock of goats ahead of the sheep was pointed out. The one in the lead walked with the sheperd. "They follow the goats."

Me: "Why do they follow the goats?"

"Because the goat has the bell."

For the next month, that became the tag line for anything we didn't understand occured. We used it to answer all inquires for which there was no better reason.

4 weeks later, I had a discussion with a friend about people and their tendencies to do what others do, or tell them is the right thing to do, or what somone claims someone else did/does do the exclusion of any independant thought.

It didn't hit me until a few days later- Its 'because the goat has the bell'. There's no damn good reason that people do half of the crap they do. But here is the thing.

Do they know that they are following the sheep who are following the goats following the bell? Its all good and well for a sheep. It needs to follow the bell because the bell is on the lead goat which is beside the sheperd who sustains them. It is the sheep's bell, its his job to follow it. But what if the cows started to follow the sheep? And the dogs and cats and llamas and orangutangs- there would be a lot of animals doing the wrong things and a lot of things not getting done- at best.

At worst it would lead to conflict, confusion and a lack of progression. Yet, this is exactly what is going on in the human population.

The bell rings and people follow. Exceedingly few question who/what they are following and even fewer get out of line.

Whether it is CNN, Obama, the latest book/craze/fad, their religious leader, the cool kids in high school or Madison Avenue- they just follow.

And they don't look around as they are lead. At the things they pass by, at the options and opportunities ignored- at the alternatives, the forks in the road, the consequences- at those left behind and and those trampled on. They don't look at the covered signs, the turn offs concealed and the side roads unpaved.

Why don't people want to think for themselves? To evaluate and make the call? To gather their own information, make an informed decision? To admit that they don't know?

At the very least- acknowledge the goat and the bell being followed. Acknowledge the blinders, so nicely fitted in the latest style.

And accord others the right to follow their own goat albeit different from yours, or even better- none at all.

It is the lack of doing so that leads to such things as conflict, religious intolerance, human rights abuses, the brain drain, fat stupid kids, the Goldstone Report, ignorant smart people, rich idiots and all the rest of man's ills.

Go ahead, ask the sheep next to you why s/he does what s/he does. They may be hard pressed to answer. Ask yourself- you may be surprised at your own goats.

The 9th of Av

Why do we need to mourn something that happened thousands of years ago? Why do we need to sit on the floor and cry as we read of the tragedies of our people? Why must we make ourselves sick reading of mothers, out of their minds with starvation, eating their beloved children- of people expiring in the streets and of our holy city burning?

Why must we fast, not bathe, wear leather shoes or be intimate?

Why are we to feel as if the destruction of Jerusalem is happening now and to us? Why must we shed tears? Why dedicate an entire 25 hours to mourning something that we've never had? What are we meant to get from it all?

It is said that to understand light, one must experience darkness, that to know joy, one must experience pain.

I find that most in this generation aren't so interested. Why know pain, sadness, hurt when you can tranquelize, anesticize, pop a pill, avert your eyes, turn the channel? It has come to the point that most don't live in reality.

It used to be that television was to escape reality, but at this point- there is nothing to escape and so now, the TV is turned on for reality. Ah, but this reality is safe because it is not my feelings being hurt, back being stabbed or heart breaking.

Virtual Reality games are getting realer and realer and I wonder- WHAT ABOUT LIFE? Dont play Tennis on the Wii- Go play tennis! Don't slay dragons and rescue princesses virtually- pick a cause to be your dragon and fight- make an actual difference- rescue orphans, battered women or volunteer to teach a child to read!

Complacency is the default mode of 99.9% of the world. The other .1 actually try to matter and to return their souls more complete than they got them. To leave an imprint, to do something they are proud of.

Since when has feeling- really feeling- become something to avoid, to nuetralize?

It is during these moments of true joy, pain, sorrow, love, helplessness that we can grasp that elusive connection, that trueness that we all have, yet rarely connect to. It is during the throat choking, heart breaking moments that we see that the daily ins and outs are nothing and that the rare moments of deep emotion are the ones that make us who we are.

It is true that not knowing hard times makes it impossible to really appreciate the good. A life of tranquility may be easy and enjoyable, but it is not life. Life is where we come to create ourselves, to see what we are made of and to be our best. It is the silversmith's fire before the piece is molded. A lump of raw silver is tranquil, but will never be a masterpiece. A human being unchallenged, unthinking, unmotivated will at best not do harm.

As it is our nature to stay at rest, we need motivation to be foisted upon us, to have contemplation and emotion madated at times. We MUST read the accounts and bring ourselves to tears. We MUST think about the unpleasant and the possible.

Like the heart stopping crack of thunder in the dead of night. Like the car accident avoided by millimeters. Like not finding your kid in the store- these moments throw reality at us and hold us down to stare at it.

it is our choice to look away or to grow

and it is because we look away that the tragedy of so long ago is till ours today

Googleing God

Don't you just wish you could Google the Heavens?

Search for: My mission in life

and get the answer- right there- so all you have to do is read it and then go and do it. I wonder if its because we are so used to having things at our fingertips now that we've forgotten how to actually think something through.

What happened to sitting under a tree up at the leaves and working out a problem, thinking through the process and drawing conlcusions. It's like our brains are running so fast with things to do and ways to get them done faster that the bigger picture, the main mission spaning far accross the 'Get Milk's' and 'Work 8 hours today' is just lost and uncontemplated.

We want to wind down in the evenings and turn off our brains. TV, computers and socializing help with that, but we aren't really turning off our brains as they were never truly 'on'. They're just running the treadmill of daily routine that has us mired in the muck of exisiting.

I hate that the evenings are lost to this 'unwinding' god.

Maybe its because I no longer have Sunday's but I am looking for those hours of being able to tune in to that larger mission, that greater reason that my heart beats. Maybe its more because now that I am here in Israel, I lack knowing what it is that I lack. For years I knew what I needed to do and why.

Now that we are here, it is less clear, though I know it exists. Finding it... I only know of one way. And in this I must be much more consistant and persistant.

I need to make a list of things I need to do this month- Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh

It is the first of the month of Shvat- I think I'll go make a list of things to do this month.

1- Study for that damn driving test

2- Ask God every day to PLEASE show me wht it is I am meant to do and how to accomplish it

3- (thats private)

Chanukka and living your truth

Its not the sufganiyot (donuts), or the latkes (which are all over the place by they way), nor is it the presents (thank God that is not prevelant here). Its the whole holiday that is embued with the power of fighting for something you believe in to your very core. How many people get to do that? How many people get to make their life about something that means everything to them?

Be it family, peace, freedom, civil rights- anything that can define a great part of who you are?Chanukka is full of heros. Everyday people who fought for truth and justice and right and freedom.From the bride who tore open her dress on her wedding night before all of the assembled guests and raged against her horrified brothers.

'Why should this bother you when in a few hours you will be giving me over to the Greek general?'Prima Nachta was in effect and on her wedding night every maiden was raped by the Greek overloard. Her rage at the general passivity instigated the rebellion that we all know as Chanukka.Her father would later raise a flag and call out- "mi laHashem Ali' . All those who are for our one true God- join me. (Noa has a flag she made in school and carries it around the house calling these words).Her brothers then lead the battle that beat the greeks, but before all that- there were many more heros.All the mothers who gave their sons a brit and then jumped from the walls of Jerusalem committing suicide rather than letting the greeks kill them. All those who kept Shabbat, lighting candles and making kiddush. All those who learned Torah despite the death sentence.

Channah & her seven sons who each refused to bow to an idol and were each killed for their refusal. But they encouraged one another, gave each other the strength to know that this was not what their lives were meant to be. There are some things worth moving on for.

I know many will not agree with me. But I care more for the opinions of those throughout the centuries who refused to compromise who they were for what others wanted them to be.

In Spain, the Christians thought of the most vile, evil and horrific tortures to perform on Jews just to have them renounce their faith. All a Jew had to do was say that they beleived in some guy who lived a long time ago and who others turned into the son of a miraculous virgin birth! All they had to do was say 'I believe' and they would be spared the suffering of severed limbs, ripped out guts, flayed skin and eventual death.But then, what would they be? Empty, constantly in hiding, in fear and terror and in tremendous agony as body and soul wrestled with the choice they made to go against what they are.

Thousands died rather than betray themselves, their people and their God- their Truth. Its an incredible testiment to the strength of our people.Hitler learned from it- He didn't bother trying to change the Jew. He knew only death would remove their truth and all that it brought to the world.

Yehudit, a young widow, convinced the men of her beleagered and starving town to let her out into the surrounding enemy camp. After claiming to want to give the Greek general Holifornus information to capture the town in exchange for mercy, she was allowed free reign in the army's camp. After a few days of gaining trust, she dined with the general feeding him cheese and wine- taking her lead from Yael who had done the same to the general Sisera hundreds of years before.When he had passed out, she brought his own sword down upon his neck. Returning to her city with his head ,she rallied the Jews and they won in a surprise attack against the leaderless army.She put her life at risk to save her people. How many of us will ever get the opportunity to do something like that?

Those that serve in the Israeli army do this every day. Mothers and fathers send their children off to defend this country- knowing full well the risk.

Gilad Shalit still sits 900 days after being captured by barbarians. Jonathan Pollard sits in isloation 26 years! after giving Israel information that Should have been shared with them by the US according to agreements. An offense usually given 2 to 3 years- He was given a life sentence!!

Call the White House- take a minute- they answer quickly and write down your message- Pick up the phone and make the call- Tell Bush to pardon him before he leaves- time is running out. We can all do something heroic- like picking up the phone and standing up for a Jewish prisoner.202-456-1111 or 202-456-1414-

I think that this is the bottom line, that is what I love best about living here. Just being here means I am doing something I believe in. I am living what I know to be true and what I know is right. At the core, that is why we could not stay in the US even though our family and friends, who are so very wonderful and whom we miss painfully, are there.Living what you know to be true and right cannot be substituted by anything. Nothing can take its place, nothing can fill its void. It is what keeps us going and feeling like we have the right to go on.

My kids know it, even at the age they are. Kids see truth when they aren't blinded by GameBoys and PSPs and all the shiny things that lead most around like zombies.I do not tell them these things- really I don't. And of course, they love stuff as do we all and that's fine and normal. However, they have perspective.

They know what it really comes down to, what really matters and why we do what we do. They didn't even ask about presents. We made three kinds of latkes, decorations and played Chanukka music (over and over!).Was beautiful.No thing feels as good, as fulfilling, as right as living your truth.Course, I didn't say its easy, its not meant to be. But it is worth it and much easier than trying to justify to yourself and your kids saying one thing and living another. There are always neighbors to read your mail :)I know I kind of got off Chanukka, but not really, because it is all about what you believe and what you fight for.

Always has been.

Mazal Tov to my cousin Rachel who is getting married tonight. May your lives be full with love and light and may you always have the strength to follow your hearts and live your truth.Happy Chanukka everyone.