Googleing God

Don't you just wish you could Google the Heavens?

Search for: My mission in life

and get the answer- right there- so all you have to do is read it and then go and do it. I wonder if its because we are so used to having things at our fingertips now that we've forgotten how to actually think something through.

What happened to sitting under a tree up at the leaves and working out a problem, thinking through the process and drawing conlcusions. It's like our brains are running so fast with things to do and ways to get them done faster that the bigger picture, the main mission spaning far accross the 'Get Milk's' and 'Work 8 hours today' is just lost and uncontemplated.

We want to wind down in the evenings and turn off our brains. TV, computers and socializing help with that, but we aren't really turning off our brains as they were never truly 'on'. They're just running the treadmill of daily routine that has us mired in the muck of exisiting.

I hate that the evenings are lost to this 'unwinding' god.

Maybe its because I no longer have Sunday's but I am looking for those hours of being able to tune in to that larger mission, that greater reason that my heart beats. Maybe its more because now that I am here in Israel, I lack knowing what it is that I lack. For years I knew what I needed to do and why.

Now that we are here, it is less clear, though I know it exists. Finding it... I only know of one way. And in this I must be much more consistant and persistant.

I need to make a list of things I need to do this month- Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh

It is the first of the month of Shvat- I think I'll go make a list of things to do this month.

1- Study for that damn driving test

2- Ask God every day to PLEASE show me wht it is I am meant to do and how to accomplish it

3- (thats private)

Chanukka and living your truth

Its not the sufganiyot (donuts), or the latkes (which are all over the place by they way), nor is it the presents (thank God that is not prevelant here). Its the whole holiday that is embued with the power of fighting for something you believe in to your very core. How many people get to do that? How many people get to make their life about something that means everything to them?

Be it family, peace, freedom, civil rights- anything that can define a great part of who you are?Chanukka is full of heros. Everyday people who fought for truth and justice and right and freedom.From the bride who tore open her dress on her wedding night before all of the assembled guests and raged against her horrified brothers.

'Why should this bother you when in a few hours you will be giving me over to the Greek general?'Prima Nachta was in effect and on her wedding night every maiden was raped by the Greek overloard. Her rage at the general passivity instigated the rebellion that we all know as Chanukka.Her father would later raise a flag and call out- "mi laHashem Ali' . All those who are for our one true God- join me. (Noa has a flag she made in school and carries it around the house calling these words).Her brothers then lead the battle that beat the greeks, but before all that- there were many more heros.All the mothers who gave their sons a brit and then jumped from the walls of Jerusalem committing suicide rather than letting the greeks kill them. All those who kept Shabbat, lighting candles and making kiddush. All those who learned Torah despite the death sentence.

Channah & her seven sons who each refused to bow to an idol and were each killed for their refusal. But they encouraged one another, gave each other the strength to know that this was not what their lives were meant to be. There are some things worth moving on for.

I know many will not agree with me. But I care more for the opinions of those throughout the centuries who refused to compromise who they were for what others wanted them to be.

In Spain, the Christians thought of the most vile, evil and horrific tortures to perform on Jews just to have them renounce their faith. All a Jew had to do was say that they beleived in some guy who lived a long time ago and who others turned into the son of a miraculous virgin birth! All they had to do was say 'I believe' and they would be spared the suffering of severed limbs, ripped out guts, flayed skin and eventual death.But then, what would they be? Empty, constantly in hiding, in fear and terror and in tremendous agony as body and soul wrestled with the choice they made to go against what they are.

Thousands died rather than betray themselves, their people and their God- their Truth. Its an incredible testiment to the strength of our people.Hitler learned from it- He didn't bother trying to change the Jew. He knew only death would remove their truth and all that it brought to the world.

Yehudit, a young widow, convinced the men of her beleagered and starving town to let her out into the surrounding enemy camp. After claiming to want to give the Greek general Holifornus information to capture the town in exchange for mercy, she was allowed free reign in the army's camp. After a few days of gaining trust, she dined with the general feeding him cheese and wine- taking her lead from Yael who had done the same to the general Sisera hundreds of years before.When he had passed out, she brought his own sword down upon his neck. Returning to her city with his head ,she rallied the Jews and they won in a surprise attack against the leaderless army.She put her life at risk to save her people. How many of us will ever get the opportunity to do something like that?

Those that serve in the Israeli army do this every day. Mothers and fathers send their children off to defend this country- knowing full well the risk.

Gilad Shalit still sits 900 days after being captured by barbarians. Jonathan Pollard sits in isloation 26 years! after giving Israel information that Should have been shared with them by the US according to agreements. An offense usually given 2 to 3 years- He was given a life sentence!!

Call the White House- take a minute- they answer quickly and write down your message- Pick up the phone and make the call- Tell Bush to pardon him before he leaves- time is running out. We can all do something heroic- like picking up the phone and standing up for a Jewish prisoner.202-456-1111 or 202-456-1414-

I think that this is the bottom line, that is what I love best about living here. Just being here means I am doing something I believe in. I am living what I know to be true and what I know is right. At the core, that is why we could not stay in the US even though our family and friends, who are so very wonderful and whom we miss painfully, are there.Living what you know to be true and right cannot be substituted by anything. Nothing can take its place, nothing can fill its void. It is what keeps us going and feeling like we have the right to go on.

My kids know it, even at the age they are. Kids see truth when they aren't blinded by GameBoys and PSPs and all the shiny things that lead most around like zombies.I do not tell them these things- really I don't. And of course, they love stuff as do we all and that's fine and normal. However, they have perspective.

They know what it really comes down to, what really matters and why we do what we do. They didn't even ask about presents. We made three kinds of latkes, decorations and played Chanukka music (over and over!).Was beautiful.No thing feels as good, as fulfilling, as right as living your truth.Course, I didn't say its easy, its not meant to be. But it is worth it and much easier than trying to justify to yourself and your kids saying one thing and living another. There are always neighbors to read your mail :)I know I kind of got off Chanukka, but not really, because it is all about what you believe and what you fight for.

Always has been.

Mazal Tov to my cousin Rachel who is getting married tonight. May your lives be full with love and light and may you always have the strength to follow your hearts and live your truth.Happy Chanukka everyone.